Psychiatric Whiplash

Things have changed, really changed. I wrote about them and was PUBLISHED! What is Psychiatric Whiplash you ask? Check out This Is My Psyche to find out!! My prior team did their best and had my best interest in mind, but two major things changed when I moved to my new psychiatrist and my new …

Hello Again

I haven’t written in a while, a LONG while. It’s not because everything has been wonderful, or that I haven’t had any things to process or struggles that I've faced. I’d tell you that the need to process everything became less and less of a need as I continued to journal (close to) every night …

Looks like I have time to find myself

Five weeks ago I reached out to the CHRO to share the feedback I had received about moving to a new role internally. I had to explain why I was getting this feedback, or felt like I needed to, in order for the message to make sense. I hit send on the message Monday evening, …

It’s okay to be sad v2

Talking to the camera about it helped, but it wasn’t the solution. I am at such a loss because I don’t know what it is. We are six days away from it being two months since he passed and I am not sure how much closer I am to acceptance. Dodger died. Though I have …

Processing Grief and Loss

On July 19th I lost my favorite dog in the world. He meant everything to me. He was the best dog and I loved him fiercely. I still believe all of those things about him and I still love him so much. Since he has been gone there has been this gaping hole in me, …

I think I am depressed

I think I am depressed. No, I know I am. I know that gravity keeps pulling me into the dark. I can pin point when it started. It was Monday morning. I woke up still emotionally shaken and possibly scared from this horrible dream that I had. The dream where Kevin told me to hold …

Bedtime Brain Dump: March 20, 2021

I was flipping back through the journal where I write what ever comes to mind after I brush my teeth and before I go to bed and I found this one entry. It is a nice reminder that even with mental health struggles, not every day is completely coated in shades of gray. That there …

Medication Arc

I still remember sitting on the floor, squeezed in the small area on the floor between the couch and coffee table, on the phone with the advice nurse who had told me that I was “depressed.” My life crushed in that moment. I was on the floor broken, the tears streaming down my cheeks the …

Battles won and lost

I woke up to my alarm telling me I needed to take my medicine. I silenced it and began wrestling with the uneasy feelings my slumber had left me with. Dreams that I couldn’t remember and turmoils unresolved. I felt sick, like my stomach was in knots. I felt fed-up, annoyed, angry, sad, disappointed and …

“happy”

Depression, anxiety, being bipolar - they are all weird things. They don’t fit neatly into any boxes and rarely are there two identical experiences. We can relate, we understand, we make sure others don’t feel alone, but it is still fucking weird. “You look so happy” I have hated this statement so deeply because whoever …