By noon my internal clock was screaming "Get Up! GET UP!!" It was the "morning" of my transition day to this mysterious third shift at work. A 5 pm to 3 am schedule for four days to mingle with the night shifts. Four days to get the answers to what feels like a million questions. … Continue reading Noon Wake Ups
I started this one back in October 2017, it stat in my drafts folder until now... We were about 45 minutes into group. We had joked around and caught up before check in, we checked in and we had started sharing what was going on. I had shared. I had gotten feedback, support and praise. … Continue reading A Letter From Future Me.
Something has been wrong and I am not sure I can quite put my finger on what. Sure, there is the dread of work and the stress of the holidays, but deep down I don't feel like that is it. My temper is short and my patience is little. Anxiety welcomes me like a brisk … Continue reading Tangled Thoughts
Each morning I woke up ten minutes before the alarm, stomach in knots, heart racing. The fear of facing the day. The fear of waking up late if I got the last bit of sleep I felt like I needed. Knowing that I would need to leave the warm bundle of blankets and curled up … Continue reading Oh hey, depression
The pit of my stomach turned, I could feel the anger boiling up inside of me and the tears I was suddenly fighting back. That was the start of my week, looking at Instagram during a break at work. To say roller derby had been a big part of my life for three years would … Continue reading Trigger Warning: Roller Derby
One of the best things about making my journey with depression and anxiety public and starting Your Mind Tells Lies has been people telling me how much they relate and how they had felt alone until reading my blog. Helping others relate was not a goal of mine when I started this, well not intentionally … Continue reading Things that help – Android Apps.
In high school I can remember a mutual friend telling me how he didn’t feel like it was worth living any more, how he was just ready to die. Without missing a beat, I remember doing everything I could to convince him otherwise. My recount of the occurrence is well documented somewhere on the internet, … Continue reading Teenage Pep Talks
Sometimes I can feel like a pushover; I don't like confrontation, I hate making others feel bad - unless of course it is deserved, and I hate when I share my feelings for the response to come off like I am in the wrong. I keep my mouth shut, a lot. I let things I … Continue reading Confidence
It was my first full week of being on Cymbalta, two small capsules every morning at 9 am when my alarm went off. I was rather impressed by my success in remembering to take the medication a the same time every day, and even more so that I had found a time that didn't seem … Continue reading Medication Management pt. 3
Sometimes, there are moments when everything feels okay. It seems brighter and clearer. The moments are nice, they reconfirm that I am on the right track. But, on the other hand they feel like torture. The moments of anxiety, self-doubt, and depression following them feel amplified in comparison to the fleeting moment of "okay." It feels like failure, steps backwards. … Continue reading