I sat uncomfortably on the couch, not because of the couch, but because of me. The stack of bricks had been firmly reset on my chest and I could feel them slowly breaking me down. I couldn’t move. Life felt like it was stuck in this slow motion time warp. I told Kevin I was … Continue reading Step One
After I went through IOP Kevin and I began to seriously consider adopting a dog. We couldn't then because we had a house with no fence that we would be leaving soon. When we moved, we had a house, no fence and would be heading out on "vacation" soon. One evening we sat together, over … Continue reading Flapjack.
Saying it has been a hard week would be an understatement, it's been a harder week with even worse moments. Moments when I knew things would be better with out me, or at the very least Kevin would. Moments that I planned out where I would go and stay when I left. Moments I figured … Continue reading Self Check-In: Current Status – Not Great
By noon my internal clock was screaming "Get Up! GET UP!!" It was the "morning" of my transition day to this mysterious third shift at work. A 5 pm to 3 am schedule for four days to mingle with the night shifts. Four days to get the answers to what feels like a million questions. … Continue reading Noon Wake Ups
I started this one back in October 2017, it stat in my drafts folder until now... We were about 45 minutes into group. We had joked around and caught up before check in, we checked in and we had started sharing what was going on. I had shared. I had gotten feedback, support and praise. … Continue reading A Letter From Future Me.
Something has been wrong and I am not sure I can quite put my finger on what. Sure, there is the dread of work and the stress of the holidays, but deep down I don't feel like that is it. My temper is short and my patience is little. Anxiety welcomes me like a brisk … Continue reading Tangled Thoughts
Each morning I woke up ten minutes before the alarm, stomach in knots, heart racing. The fear of facing the day. The fear of waking up late if I got the last bit of sleep I felt like I needed. Knowing that I would need to leave the warm bundle of blankets and curled up … Continue reading Oh hey, depression
The pit of my stomach turned, I could feel the anger boiling up inside of me and the tears I was suddenly fighting back. That was the start of my week, looking at Instagram during a break at work. To say roller derby had been a big part of my life for three years would … Continue reading Trigger Warning: Roller Derby
One of the best things about making my journey with depression and anxiety public and starting Your Mind Tells Lies has been people telling me how much they relate and how they had felt alone until reading my blog. Helping others relate was not a goal of mine when I started this, well not intentionally … Continue reading Things that help – Android Apps.
In high school I can remember a mutual friend telling me how he didn’t feel like it was worth living any more, how he was just ready to die. Without missing a beat, I remember doing everything I could to convince him otherwise. My recount of the occurrence is well documented somewhere on the internet, … Continue reading Teenage Pep Talks